Just in case you needed a laugh: Remember a college degree is required to fly for a major U.S. airline, but only a high school diploma to fix one; that's reassurance to those of us who fly routinely.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and
the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident....
P: Left inside main
tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost
replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK,
except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not
installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose
in cockpit
S: Something
tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on
windshield.
S: Live bugs on
back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in
altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot
reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak
on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence
removed.
*
P: DME volume
unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set
to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks
cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what
friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative
in OFF mode.
S: IFF always
inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack
in windshield.
S: Suspect you're
right.
*
P: Number 3 engine
missing.
S: Engine found
on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles
funny. (I love this
one!)
S: Aircraft
warned to straighten up, fly right and be
serious.
*
P: Target radar
hums.
S: Reprogrammed
target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in
cockpit.
S: Cat
installed.
*
And the
best one for last
*
P: Noise coming
from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on
something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer
away from the midget
Flying
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