A story of Cairo

Post by **Glyphdoctor** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 7:23 am

intervened, crying out, "Zees woman iz a faraud. Zee is not really a zubborter of the gareat brezeedent Obama. Zee tink zat you sabeak a Hawaii/Chicago accent. A real zubborter knows zat Obama zebeakes with a Kanzaz accent. The great I knowz zis becuz I vizit all zee great 50 satates before and I was baid large sums of money to entertain blue haired ladies with my tales of discovering gold and byramidz in every one of them. Who do you believe, I zee great Zahi or zee woman who is from Arkanzaws and therefore zertainly voted for Hillary in zee barimary." Obama cocked his head for a moment, and realized that Zahi had a point. He had chosen Hillary to be his secretary of state solely because he believed the statement, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Could this PR be a wolf in sheep's clothing? He didn't have time to find out though, as suddenly Goddess came between all of them and started shaking her large mane of hair under Obama's nose and asked..

Post by **Ebikatsu** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 5:16 pm

Look at my blue hair ! wotcha think Barak O' Bummer?
I'm one of Zahi's blue haired ladies and I was wondering if Michelle ever thought of having a blue rinse like mine. It's all the rage in Luxor you know.
Obama and Zahi were then rendered speechless as Goddess flicked her blue mane forwards and backwards in the most erotic and tantalizing way and then thrusting her hips and pelvis towards Zahi, started to sway to the 'Dance of the 7 Whales' in her dayglow tangerine chiffon

Zahi completely entranced, and Obama leaning against the motorcade car eyes like dinner plates ducked just in time as a granite statuette of bast flew out of Glyphs hand and knocked Goddess out of the arms of the now panting and sweaty Zahi and whacked him on the head . With a black resin like substance oozing from his gaping head wound Zahi............

Post by **Horus** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 10:17 pm

........... started to revert back to his real self, yes! Zahi Hawass was really the mummy of Rameses II, his secret was out! this is how he made all of his amazing discoveries, because he was actually there at the time they were being built. The gang stared in disbelief as his features morphed into the famous Pharaoh's mummy, yes they could see it all now! the large hooked nose, the massive ego, the battered old hat on his shrunken head, it was all falling into place. He reached out a withered hand and grasping a handful of Goddess's flowing mane in his claw like fingers drew her towards him. "She is mine forever" he cackled as he ..................

Post by **Ebikatsu** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 9:36 am

pulled her closer, the oily resin seeping onto the floor.
heh heh heh cackled the Zahi Ramsis figure. Obama and Glyph watched in horror.
Obama's secret CIA bodyguards drew their guns in disbelief staring at the figure which now had Goddess under his arm, her legs swirling around trying to escape.
Obama looked at the bodyguards, then the figure, back to the bodyguards, then to the screaming Goddess...........'lets have some dialogue' he gulped. 'I want to engage in some meaningful dialogue with you'...........'I don't want to nuke you'...........'we can sort this out'. The bodyguards warily put their guns back in their holsters and stepped back a few steps to let the Prez step forward with his hand outstretched towards the rotting and resin covered Ramsis.
Ebikatsu and PR Chick looked at Glyph who was by now weeping on the pavement at the transformation of her idol into her greatest idol of all time.....the GREAT RAMSIS........her eyes sparkled, she reached out her hand to Ramsis........................

Post by **Horus** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 9:45 pm

................Meanwhile back at Maccy D's Horus was wrestling with Mango Man who by now had become utterly distraught. For while stretching out his lycra pants in order to inspect the contents of his cod piece, another diner had mistaken it for a waste bin and deposited his leftover meal into his pants. he had let out a loud scream of dismay as he observed the items now in the cod piece, a stone fragment, a half eaten Mac Flurry, two dill pickles and a quarter pound-er. Horus had realised that he must get the stone fragment at all cost as he was rapidly losing the plot and needed to get everyone to Saqqara to continue the search. He had therefore leaped upon Mango Man in a valiant attempt to retrieve it, but thinking that Horus was about to add to the assortment of trinkets within his pants he had put up a bold defence, hence the wrestling match that was now in progress. Hepzi had managed to retrieve the magic carpet and gathered the remainder of the gang aboard just as Horus's hand emerged grasping the fragment....................

Post by **PRchick** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:45 am

PRchick will never understand British humor.

Post by **Horus** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:58 am

.........she wailed, so Horus attempted to explain. We Brits have what may be described as a lavatorial sense of humour, that means we enjoy jokes that are full of innuendo. Our minds can quickly grasp the double entendre of such works as Geoffrey Chaucer's Canterbury Tales in which 'the wife of Bath' uses the word "queynte" to describe both housework and a part of the female anatony.

If only our American cousins could grasp the humour of Mr's Slocombe in the popular sitcom 'Are you being served?' when she gives her reason for being late for work, "It's a wonder I'm here at all, you know. My pussy got soakin' wet. I had to dry it out in front of the fire before I left."
Or that wonderful music hall song 'She Sits Among The Cabbages And Peas' we Brits would fall about laughing at such things.

PR looked at Horus "why would she dry her cat in front of the fire?" she asked. At this point Horus tried to think of an American comedian who had made him laugh ............... but he couldn't, did Bob Hope count? probably not as he never made anyone laugh, but Benny Hill, now he was funny. Still struggling with this dilemma Horus woke up! it had all been a bad dream.

The End.

Post by **Ebikatsu** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 1:34 pm

This has been A SWEATYGROIN PRODUCTION

brought to you by

HEIROGLYPH FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT PRODUCTIONS PLC

Starring in order of least importance but magical acting skills:

EBIKATSU as Mrs Slocombe's pussy

HORUS as The Lone Rangers Horse Tonto

GLYPH as Martha Stewart

ZAHI as THE COOL 'CAT' IN THE HAT

GODDESS as Sophia Loren

PR CHICK as Jerry Lewis

DJ KEEFY as Henry the 8th's sweaty Codpiece

special guest appearance:

His Excellency the Emperor of the USA Mr Barak O' Bamarama

Produced by Rubbing a genie lamp

Directed by Chopin

Written by Chaucer

Screenplay by Abbot and Costello

Special effects by Toyz R Us

Catering by Kairo Koshari Kitchens

Electrician and electrical stunts and effects provided by Cairo Dept of Police interrogation.

Flights arranged by Air France

Soundtrack Bat out of Hell by Meatloaf available from HMV

Personal assistant to Mr Barak O' Bamarama : Sarah Palin
Personal assistant to Mr Zahi Hawass : Adel Iman

Many animals were harmed in the making of this production.

Shot in location in Cairo , Downtown Cairo, Parts of Cairo, The Pyramids Cairo, Mac Donalds Cairo, Outer Cairo, Inner Cairo, The Ring Road Cairo, Swaziland.

MCXVIIIIXIVCCCXIVIVIVIXXXIXC

Post by **Horus** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:21 pm

: :ff:

Post by **PRchick** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:46 pm

Ebikatsu

Post by **PRchick** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:48 pm

I got the cat reference, thank you very much. The cabbages and peas...no clue.

Post by **FABlux** » Sun Jun 14, 2009 8:43 pm

Finally caught up with this, you lot are nuts

She Sits Among The Cabbages And Peas

sits (Among The Cabbages) & pees

Post by **Horus** » Sun Jun 14, 2009 10:17 pm

Or the alternative one Fabby

"She sits amongst the Cabbages and Leeks"

Post by **FABlux** » Sun Jun 14, 2009 11:10 pm

Even worse "She sits amongst the Cabbages and Sprouts"

Post by **PRchick** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 5:30 am

You Brits and your bathroom humor.

Post by **Glyphdoctor** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 9:16 am

I learned that bathroom humor was very wrong when I was 8 years old and I used it on my French grandmother.

Post by **Horus** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 7:36 pm

Glyphdoctor wrote:I learned that bathroom humor was very wrong when I was 8 years old and I used it on my French grandmother.

Go on then

tell us what happened