A story of Cairo

[Ebikatsu]

.....where you go beautiful ladies? I very cheab and take you anywhere in Cairo for very good price. But first we see my uncle's berfume shop ......just looking......no have to buy, he grinned. All for $600 because my meter in dollar, no ginae you see..........new rules by Egybtian government............only 60 seconds passed but already Ebikatsu's legs were sticking to the cling film he had wrapped around his seat it was going to be an uncomfortable journey in more ways than one.......and.......why was Horus speaking in that weird Egyptian dialect they all thought?.........................

[Glyphdoctor]

...Well then it dawned upon PR that they might have stumbled upon a really sinister side of Egypt. She accused the Horus look alike of having killed Horus and wrapped himself in his skin. But Glyph had another idea, maybe Horus had been possessed by an Egyptian jinn? There was only one way to find out the truth...

[Ebikatsu]

Dip him in Holy Lourdes water...........
As luck would have it Glyph had a small blue and white plastic Madonna bottle of it in her backpack. She liked to carry it round for emergencies such as these.
Twisting off the cap, and with the others holding their breath, she began sprinkling the Horus lookalike with the 'holy water', whilst chanting what she could remember of Father Karras's lines from the Exorcist Pea Soup scene................a loud sizzling sound..........................

[Horus]

.........."ask him to describe how you re-size and load a photograph onto the forum" said Goddess, "it is so bloody complicated that he spends ages teaching people how to do it, if he knows how, then he must be the real Horus"
"No need for that pretty laydeees, I am only wanting to help, you know how much? Caleche! Caleche!" Horus mumbled.
Glyph was right! he was possessed by the Gin! you could smell it on his breath. "that's why he is speaking so strangely" said PR, "No he always talks gibberish" said Fabby smashing her way out of a large Ali Baba Jar. Just then Horus slumped down onto a carpet outside of a shop, 'Musthavea-Fag' purveyor of fine oriental rugs was the name written on the sign above the door, the sizzling sound continued...............

[Ebikatsu]

'Finest camel hair rugs for sale', shouted the rug purveyor to the crowd of lifeless bodies who had fallen down on the pavement outside, overcome by a peculiar wet doggy stench emanating from the said rug dispensary, and the equally pungent scent of Gilbeys Gin vapour, lingering in the air............
'Come buy your finest quality rugs now while they are on sale. 90%discount, Asda prices here girls' he bellowed.........................adjusting his glass eye with the filter end of his fag.............

[Glyphdoctor]

PR and Glyph gave eachother knowing looks. This group of Brits they were going around Cairo with were about to fall into a big trap. They were all desperate for a fag, but didn't notice the proprietor's scruffy white Nikes, a sure sign that he hung out with American tourists and that the kind of fags he was purveying were not what they expected, but it was too late, BB had already....

[Ebikatsu]

followed Mustafa Fagg into the curtained off part at the back of the shop.
The floor was covered in red rugs and purple silk cushions with shisha pipes and the heady scent of apple and smoked cod tobacco lingering in the smoky dark atmosphere overwhelmed their senses. BB sat down quickly followed by the rest of the Brits, leaving Glyph and PR frantically trying to pull them back but the temptation of the apple and smoked cod proved too much and they broke free. leaving Glyph and PR sitting on the edge of the pavement wondering what to do next when suddenly from the Fresh Juice emporium Fruity Fouad's, next door came...........

[Glyphdoctor]

DJKeefy. He stripped off his business suit to reveal his Superman outfit, but not before stopping to buy PR and Glyph fruit cocktails, and then kicked down the door of the Mustafa's shop and shouted...

[Ebikatsu]

RHUBARB BAKYA.......MANGO ing into shop folks....................stand well back!................

[Horus]

............then thrusting his free hand down the front of his lycra tights, he groped furiously about, wishing all the time that he had worn the other pair as at least they had a proper pocket to keep his mobile phone in. Mustafa's eyes bulged in disbelief and when Keefy's hand appeared out of his tights clutching his Blackberry, he finally passed out. Meanwhile a strong aroma of apple and smoked Cod tobacco started to emanate from within the shop, all accompanied by silly giggles and the sound of a .....................

[Ebikatsu]

.....banjo.....sitting there in the middle of one of the rugs was Steve Martin twanging away. Old Mustafa Fagg tired of the twanging pulled his galabeya back down, adjusted himself, and moved over to Hepzi who was refilling the shisha with some more smoked cod and apple and handing it back to Ebikatsu helped Steve put his bango or was it banjo? back into his monogrammed violin case, and called for a taxi on Rhubarbmangoman's Blackberry.
Outside on the pavement sat Glyph and PR frantically trying to think of what to do next, when a black limousine pulled up beside them and his royal Highness Hosni Mubarak stepped out. They were dazzled for a few seconds by the sparkle from his jeweled crown and sceptre, and as they prostrated themselves before him out of the limo stepped................

[PRchick]

...Zahi Hawass and it was quickly apparently that Glyph and PR were NOT prostrating themselves (as Americans don't do that) but were taken aback by the blinding light from Hawass' dazzling smile. Appealing to Hawass as a professional colleage, Glyph went on and on about how much she admired him and had every TV appearance he had ever made preserved for enternity on gold DVDs. As PR poked her in the ribs, Glyph told the Great ONE that she was leading a group of very wealthy British amateur Egyptologists on a three week tour but they were trapped inside this shop and couldn't spread their wealth around. Hawass said...

[Glyphdoctor]

"Do you like my gleaming teeth? I've got this great dentist who whitens them for I. His mother lives in Zamalek and he drives on the wrong side of the street! His only flaw is that he studied at Ain Shams University, not at some big important American university like I did. And he doesn't have a diplomatic visa to the US like I do, and he has to wait in the same line with all the unwashed masses to get asked embarrassing questions before he can travel to big important dental conferences in the US unlike I. I, I would never go to a conference except to give the keynote speech, the bigger the doors the better for the entrance of I..." He kept rambling on and on until he was cut off by...

[Ebikatsu]

.......the driver of the limo who between prostrations to the 'Egyptian Family Royale' pointed across the street to a film crew who were setting up cameras.
Zahi quickly beckoned his assistant and from the boot of the limo a salon chair and a huge make up case was brought out onto the street and set up. Zahi plonked himself down on the seat and immediately his make up artist and stylist began to ready him for his 'close up'. The King unaware of what the photo opportunity was about, but not wanting to be outdone or to look scruffy on Nile TV, nipped into Dr Mengele's Pharmacy and purchased a tube of Ebony Nice and Easy and had his flunky set to work dying his belfry. Meanwhile as the stars were preparing themselves for public viewing the door of Mustafa Fagg swung open and out crawled................

[Horus]

......the rest of the gang, dragging Horus who had refused to leave the shop as he believed the smell of smoked Cod was his lunch being prepared. The group stood closely together on the old camel hair carpet just outside the shop, watching Hosni remonstrating with Zahi as to who should speak officially to the cameras on this occasion. Hosni was insisting that as it involved tourists, it was an international incident, but Zahi was insisting that it was his discovery and should speak first. Just then the edges of the old carpet began to flutter along the edges and to gently..................

[HEPZIBAH]

...hover above the ground. After a few undulations which nearly toppled Ebikatsu over the edge, the carpet began to rise higher and higher until it was skimming the heads of the 'royals'. Glyphdocter and PRChick stood up from their boot licking position and looked on in openmouthed amazement. Meanwhile on the carpet, as everyone clung on to each other as though they were on whilte knuckle ride, Hepzibah was in 7th heaven. She had always wanted a flying carpet to be able to take her from country to country. Could it be that all her dreams were about to come true? Then all of a sudden................

[Horus]

...........the carpet swooped down towards Glyph & PR who had scrambled onto Zahi's broad shoulders. Zahi frantically grabbed at his hat which was by now being trampled down around his ears as the girls dispensed with their American reserve and proceeded to invade each others comfort zone in an attempt to stand on Zahi's head, this was only possible by hugging each other as close as a British commuter on the London underground. Fortunately this situation was short lived, as the carpet swept past them, Keefy in his guise as 'Mango Man' reached down from the carpet and swept them skyward. With a full crew aboard the carpet increased speed and ......................................

[PRchick]

...flew off toward the pyramids at Giza, gently herding the wayward camel back to where it belonged. As the carpet swooped down the E4U crew saw WelshStudent avidly examining a part of the great pyramid with a magnifying glass. Looking up in surprise as the group landed with a thud, WelshStudent said...

[Ebikatsu]

Beth ydy hon Canfydda rhago?
Tom Jones Yakky dah , Swansea BOYYO! ganfydda bethau? ydy hon Shirley Bassey hud yn adeinio carped Caernarvon Castle ?Catherine Zeta Rhyll...................Rugby scrum.........
The team looked bewildered

[HEPZIBAH]

The E4U crew were quite shocked. They'd never heard language like it. How could someone speak to them in such a way! Then, as a group the dreadful truth dawned on them, WelshStudent must have been hypnotised by the ..............