Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment.
When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges may vary).
*******************************
Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?"
She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook".
*******************************
Just booked a table for Valentine’s Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's crap at snooker.
******************************
Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew,
she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!
*******************************
Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford.
*******************************
If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it. It’s Spam.
********************************
They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong
but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.
**********************************
When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.
**********************************
The local deli ran out of milk again due to the freezing weather, fortunately,
my elderly neighbour Ethel has plenty stacked up on her doorstep.
***********************************
News flashes:
1. Now on sale at IKEA – beds for lesbians: no nuts or screwing involved, it’s all tong
2. A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it’s definitely race related.
3. Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.
4. I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.
5. The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night
- to be fair the audience did try to warn him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Blonde wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning: "Windows frozen."
Husband texts back: "Pour some luke warm water over it."
Wife texts back: "Computer really buggered now.”
One Liners - PC alert
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